When saying ‘no’ is a no-go

It’s Friday night, and I’m horizontal on the couch with my hair in a bun and my jarmies are in full swing. I’m probably eating some variety of Italian food and if I’m lucky enough, my handsome fiance is somewhere nearby and not interstate or overseas with football, and either our dogs or Pip are snuggled in with me. Life is good, this is where I’m at.

Though earlier in the week, I did get an invite from one of my gal pals to drinks at Southbank that I graciously declined. I know full well that plans on a Friday night do not bode well with me. I thoroughly look forward to coming home & doing nothing at the end of a long week in the corporate world. I also know that weeknight plans don’t suit me either; I’m either doing Pilates classes or I’m chilling out after a long work day.

What I’ve recently learned through a bit of research is that hanging with your BFF twice a week is scientifically proven to result in a happier, healthier and longer life. So why is it that we all so often feel it’s ‘ok’ to cancel plans with our gals? It seems in the last couple of years it has been all the rage to preach that it’s ok to say no to things that don’t bring you joy. And don’t get me wrong, I was totally on that bandwagon. But I think that a line needs to be drawn somewhere, otherwise we will all just end up lonely and and couch-ridden every night of our lives. Plus it teaches us a bit of discipline – you committed to this with your friend, they’ve carved out time for you and you need to honour that. Memories of constantly bailing on our friends isn’t much to look back on when we’re old and grey, either. PLUS, those with kids, you will be teaching them that you don’t have to respect other peoples time, and that when you don’t want to do something that you don’t have to. And this isn’t always the case… with kids these days becoming more and more screen-obsessed I think it’s really important that we make a point to get out and about.

So it’s of no surprise that regularly cancelling plans with your besties results in the breaking down of friendships and a loss of trust. So slowly, you’re breaking down the relationships with those who are inviting you out until the point where you’re no longer invited. Then you’ll probably be sad about never being invited anywhere and not having any friends. And I’ve been there – I had isolated myself from an entire friend group because they were all still into going out and drinking a lot, which is something I stopped wanting to do often when I was around 22, and I didn’t have anybody else to turn to. So I had to learn to enjoy my own company for a while, which did actually help with finding friends who were into the same things that I was, but it was a bit of a lonely learning curve.

So, figure out what nights or days work best for you to make plans. Don’t commit to things when you KNOW that you are going to be poor company because you didn’t get the down time you needed. For me, that literally means that I have Saturday, Saturday night, Sunday, and maybe Sunday night to offer my friends. Otherwise, that time is mine and I won’t commit to anything. Nobody likes being cancelled on, and I definitely don’t want to be the person who becomes known for cancelling! Do you?

Having trouble figuring out your priorities? Let me help you, click here & let’s get that weight off your shoulders once and for all!

A xo

My two besties & I

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